Window movie maker crashed right before I finished editing a video. I forgot to save the video. haHA THANKS LIFE.
Today was one of the few times I didn’t have my headphones in while I was out. I’ve gotten into the habit recently of jamming my earbuds in right as I step outside to just feel alone in the buzz of the city. I enjoy doing that for two reasons
- I soundtrack the city. Every movement feels like a scene in a movie.
- I associate certain artists with certain parts of the city or just with the weather. It easily changes my mood.
But, the main point is that today I listened to the city instead. I went to MoMA PS1 to visit the Mike Kelley exhibition for class. (sidenote: I have determined that is so far the only modern art that I completely enjoy and am utterly fascinated by.) While out though, there were several sounds that just weirdly stuck with me.
- The sound of my boots on the museum floor. How they changed depending on my interest in the piece.
- The clunking of the subway on above ground platforms. It’s different to hear it in the open as opposed to trapped beneath the city.
- The buzz of Starbucks while waiting in line. Voices all blending together, occasionally a stray line being understood, and the noise of coffee being made.
The reason I’m writing all of this out and trying my best not to sound like some stereotypical pretentious person, is that it made me think about how I would use it in a film. Or how it inspired something to write. Or how I would recreate the scene in art.
I’m going through another phase of feeling like I’m wasting my time. I constantly re-think my decision to do something artistic. I sometimes feel like I’m making a mistake with my major. It’s not even a definitive major made by the school. I’m making my own instead to be different; to try and create something that will hold all of my interest. It’s a weird combination of production, history, business, and performance. I worry about what I’ll do post-school. What place will take my weird degree and say I’m fit for a job.
I also fear that I’m not good enough. I feel like I’m fooling myself with thinking I can create something that a broad audience would want to view. I get the nagging of thought of “Why do it? No one will care”. That’s why I’m so hesitant with small choices as it is. I won’t speak an opinion because who will listen. I won’t write essays of my thoughts because no one would be interested in reading it. Don’t even get me started on my ventures in comedy and if I am funny or not. That’s another battle.
But it’s days like these where I get little nuggets of inspiration that remind me that I am a creative person. I am making the right decision. I will one day make something that people will be interested in. I am doing this for myself, not to please others.
The sounds breath life into my hopes and goals. It battles negative creatures that inhabit my mind most of the time. Guess I should spend more time without my headphones in.
Well, now that I have exercised all these thoughts, I’ll head back to some pseudo-philosophical bullshit for a required course.